Anxiety within and without of the household is rampant today. The pressure is felt by all family members; no one is immune no matter the sex or age. Anxiety is presenting itself in a way that sends some moms through the roof unable to stop what they are doing, moving from one thing to the next like a bee rapidly flying from one flower to the next knowing that the hive is her final destination and the sooner she gets there the glass of honey (wine) will be waiting to reward her for all her extreme efforts.
Anxiety is presenting itself to dads whose shoulders are slumping more and more everyday with the pressure to keep it together, have the house, car, clothes, food, reservations paid for. To balance the checkbooks with the surmounting charges for manicures, haircuts and color, makeup, groceries, gym memberships and kids after school activities. All the while keeping an eye on their superiors knowing that the work atmosphere is shifting and their jobs are no longer guaranteed forever. Nor do they think they want it to be, or maybe they do, or maybe they don’t, or maybe they do…
Anxiety is presenting itself to children who feel the spiral up and slumping down of their parents who walk through the house with brave faces, sharing smiles and accolades for all they have acquired and accomplished while squabbling behind closed doors about why they haven’t gotten more and how hard it is to keep up with it all. The kids feel that pressure; they spinout inside with confusion not knowing who it exactly belongs to. Often times, they will take it on as their own as to decrease their constant wondering about what it is all about. And then we chose to judge their behavior of arguing, bullying, withdrawing, IPhone and video obsessions and their slow withdraw away from the family as something that “they” have control over, something that “they” need to change, something only punishment and blame will change, something that MUST BE causing the anxiety within us that actually started a long time ago.
Anxiety is creating tension within the cracks of the foundation of our homes; leaving us to painfully doubt what we have known, who we are and where we are going. It is the number one cause of mental, emotional and physical disease and it’s mounting everyday.
What exactly is this costing our families? A great deal; money, time, energy and most importantly, connection.
Families are struggling to communicate and understand how to show up for one another. Children are acting out at younger and younger ages and getting away with it to such an extent that as they age their parents are starting to give up sooner because it is too overwhelming to handle.
This breakdown, this struggle, this confusion, this feeling of being lost in the woods without direction, is not how we were meant to be. On the contrary, we were meant to live, learn and love through and with one another. Looking to one another to grow based upon our mutual behaviors, wants and desires. We were meant to do and be together as a team – not as separate operating units under the same roof, passing in the night, wondering who the other is turning into and where our hearts desire has gone.
So how do we stop this cycle, this breakdown? By stopping, taking a deep breath, looking at ourselves first and telling the truth about how we feel about ourselves, our life circumstances, our marriages, our divorces, our jobs, where we live, what we want, what we don’t have, where we think we should be, our friends or the lack of any of the aforementioned. It happens when we tell the truth about what you think, the pain, hurt, shame you may be carrying from oh so long ago. Tell the truth about what you fear (this is where the anxiety truly comes from)… so tell it. And if you can’t seem to find the words, emotions, directions to do this.. I get it because it is hard to get off the hamster wheel you have been running on for so long (cause boy do you know how to run well) but you can. Just sometimes we all might need a little help to see, hear, feel the truth of what we carry or what we are too afraid to acknowledge after so much time.
However, our health, our relationships and our children are depending on us to figure it out and be there (completely and entirely) for them as their supporter and guide. It is our job first, to figure out why we feel what we are feeling and clear it out so that we may best be there for the rest of those depending upon us.
It is time. Take the leap. Take the risk to see yourself (underneath the surface of your doing, your worry, your anxiety… those are all just distractions from the true you and your precious children anyway) and step more fully into the life you dreamed of having. For yourself and for them.
It is time. To get off of the hamster wheel and begin walking more calmly throughout your day, throughout your life – modeling to your friends and family what it looks like to be confident in who you truly are and how that creates (in you and them too) more happiness, success, generosity, gratitude, emotional wealth and the connection that breeds a sense of wellbeing, belonging and beautiful homes filled with amazingly courageous adults and self assured children.
