I was 14
He was 21
I knew the instant we met
I’m going to marry that man
It was an agonizing
3 ½ years
Watching
As he laughed and flirted
With them
They were older
Seemingly more beautiful
Obviously more mature
It was if I were
Invisible
Until
I wasn’t
He was a kind and generous man
And we were in love
We dreamed about our future
How beautiful it would be
Until
I wasn’t
Something strange happened
I became
Confrontational
Manipulative
Mean
I was so confused
THAT was not
ME
I soon wondered
How can such a great
Perfect guy want to be with
Someone like me
I broke things off
He was heart broken
I was a mess
Spiraling down a pit of
Despair
Self ridicule
Harsh judgment
What is wrong with me
Was all I could ponder
That’s when the eating disorder began
It wasn’t his fault
Just my reaction to the unknown
It wasn’t pretty
And yet
It set my life on a whole new journey
Toward finding the
Real ME
Fast forward thirty years…
I am doing fine
I am a kind and generous woman
And him
I hear he trembles
Is soon to be divorced from a woman described as
Confrontational
Manipulative
Mean
It’s amazing how
At times
We become
What our partner
Unconsciously
NEEDS
DESIRES
CRAVES
Even when it inflicts
Pain
Because it is then
That we can
Chose
To finally
See
What our deeper self is
Needing
Wanting
Craving
To work through
So that the unknown
Isn’t the unknown
Any longer
