Eagerly I awaited
To see him leave his first grade class
To see that gleam in his eye
As he recognizes me waiting
To watch him come running across the field
To jump in my arms and proclaim
I love you mom
But today
That is not exactly
How it played out
Instead
I watched
As he left his first grade class
Pulled his thermos from his pack
Poured the contents on the ground
Chatted with a friend
Saw me with that gleam in his eye
Check
Ran to me and jumped in my arms
Check
But today’s proclamation
Uncheck
Hey mom
I drank all my water today
Aren’t you proud of me
Hmmm
I said
Proud
I pondered
I don’t think so
I thought
To which I then replied
I’d like you to think about that one
Buddy
And try that again please
To which he replied
Ok
Hey mom
I drank all my water today
Aren’t you proud of me
Hmmm
I said
What to do
I pondered
This is an opportunity
I thought
A few moments later I said
Ya know
Buddy
I would be proud but
I saw you pour out your water
As you left your classroom
And now I am curious
Why did you just make up a story
Look me in the eye
And tell me a lie
To which he replied
With tears
Streaming down his face
I don’t know
To which I replied
Nothing
Pure silence
No emotion
No tension
No anger
No agitation
Pure silence
And so I waited
The tears came streaming
He cried so much more
We entered the car
I gazed forward
Took a looonngg deep breath in
Placed the keys on the console
Sllooowwwwly let that breath out
Turned and looked at him
Watched as he squirmed in his car seat
Tears streaming even stronger now
Agony pulsing through his little body
As he responded
Not to my request
But to his own inquiry
I just don’t know
I just don’t know
To which I replied
Nothing
Pure silence
As I sat and waited
No emotion
No tension
No anger
No agitation
Pure silence
His tears a continual stream
His bottom lip quivering
He rubbed his eyes
Held his tummy
Squirmed a bit more
To which I finally said
I’d like you think it about it
Please
I’d like to know what you were wanting from me
That you weren’t already getting
I’d like you to think about why you felt as if you needed to lie
I would really appreciate the truth
Please
To which he replied
I just don’t know
Now part of me believes
That part of that is true
Mainly because when anyone is in shock
It is so hard to think
Let alone figure something out
And this kid was in
Shock
(insert partial grin on moms face here)
And another part of me knows
That part of that is not true
He wanted something
He wanted it bad enough
To lie
And so I waited
Soon the apologies came
And we talked
I shared how it made me feel
Sad
For it felt like he doesn’t trust me
Enough to tell me what he wants
Sad
That he doesn’t trust me enough
With his requests
Sad
That he doesn’t trust himself
To get what he wants or needs
With the truth
Sad
That he doesn’t think we can work
Through anything
Together
To which he replied with tears
And words of regret
I am so sorry
I don’t want to disappoint you
I do trust you
I don’t want you to feel that way mom
I love you
To which I replied
I know
And I love you too
Buddy
And I would like to ask
That you not lie to me again
That you ask for what you want
That you know that you may not get it every time
That you know that the love and trust we have for one another
Is more important
Than a lie
And if you ever feel
As if you can’t say something
Or I am not listening
That you let me know that too
And I promise
I will do my very best
To work through anything
Everything
With you
Because I love you too
His breath
Slowed down
As he breathed deeply and smiled
I held his hand
Told him I loved him again
And asked
Do you think there should be a consequence
For lying
He said yes
I asked him then to let me know what that might be
Well… there is this candy that is really spicy
Maybe I should have to eat that everyday for one week
Nope
Well… there is this candy that gives me a tummy ache
Maybe I should eat that everyday for one week
Nope
Well… maybe I should just not have sweets for one whole year
That’s excessive buddy
Really excessive
That is 365 days
Oh NOOOOOO mom
How about one whole week
I thought and thought
How about 3 days
Ok
Ok
I am super proud of you buddy
For having this conversation with me
For telling me how you feel
For taking responsibility for your actions
You ok
Yes I am ok
Me too
Fast forward to the next day
I am feeling pretty darn proud of myself
I handled that great
I stayed calm
I let him feel his emotions
I shared how I felt
And yet I wondered
Why did my little guy lie
Where else is this showing up
Were there other times
What does this mean
Is he heading down a bad path
Is our future going to be painfully etched with this behavior
Is there some kind of deep rooted problem that I am not aware of
My daughter then walked into my office
I share with her what happened
She looked shocked
Stunned
And then said
Yea… I get it
I did it too
Just not anyplace where I knew you could see me
What
You too
Why did you do that
Because mom
When you are 7
That’s just an awful lot of water
Why didn’t you tell me
I did
But it was important to you
I just couldn’t do it
So I took care of the problem by pouring it out
Without you seeing me
(insert big old frown on moms face here)
Hmmm
I said
What to do
I pondered
This is an opportunity
I thought
For me to own the moment
My actions
My role
My mommyhood
And here it is
As moms we do the best that we can
Try to set our kids up for ultimate health and happiness
Sometimes by forcing tons of water on their cute little bodies
Half way listening to their reservations
Because we are right
We know best
We are
By the way
The mom
The woman without the manual
The woman in charge of their well being
Life and death sits in our hands everyday
It can be a load of pressure
Or
It can be this fine little dance
Of seeing our little guy pour out his water
Hear his story made up of a lie
Sit with him quietly as we both try our best
To resolve a problem
Come to a conclusion
Filled with love and acceptance
And remain open to an unexpected ending
That allows us to grow that much more
The next day
I was greeted by a smiling little kiddo
While I made school lunches in the kitchen
I turned and grabbed his water bottle and asked
Are you going to drink your water today
Buddy
To which he replied
Yes mom
Would it be helpful if I put less water in it for awhile
To which he replied
YES PLEASE MOM
And so for now
That bottle is no longer filled to the rim
But filled half way
And together we are working on finding the happy medium
For his little body and my desire to keep him
Healthy and happy
