My alarm went off
This morning
At its usual time
I didn’t move
I chose to stay still
Not move
Barely able
To catch my breath
Feeling exhausted
Numb
Sad

I laid there
Just thinking

The second alarm
Went off
This morning
Time to wake the kids
I chose to stay still
Not move
Barely able
To catch my breath
Feeling paralyzed
With concerns
What to do next

I don’t want
To send them to school
I don’t want
To put them in the arms
Of another
Especially when I know
The other isn’t secure
Anymore

What if it happens again
There
At their school
Will it be my fault
That I allowed them to go
Where I know
They may not be safe
Anymore

I laid there
Just thinking
I laid there
Scared to make a move

I allowed them
To sleep in today
While I sat there
Worrying about
My decisions
For their future
While I sat there
Feeling out of control
Wondering

How did we get here
How is it possible
That everyday
There is another
Threat
Another Shooting
Another child being killed
In our own backyard

How is it possible
That nothing is changing
That this has become our norm
That we are looking at
Pictures of 8-year-old children
With their hands upon
Their heads
As they are marched
Down the street
Tears streaming
Down their cheeks
As the echoes of gunshots
Continue to ring in their ears
As they witness
The bodies being
Carried off
Wondering

Where is my mom
Why isn’t my dad here
Why can’t they make it stop
I don’t want to go
To school anymore

I have gone
To each one of their
Rooms this morning
Staring at them
From a distance
Tiptoeing across the floor
Kissing them
Upon their foreheads
Allowing them to sleep in
Just a little while longer

As I wonder
Will it be my fault
If they don’t come home one day
From the very place
I drive them to
Everyday
Smiling and waving
Goodbye
Cheering them on
To walk into
What has become
One of the most dangerous
Places in this country
To send our children

Will it be my fault