I don’t agree
I don’t buy the story
I don’t relate to the message

That our teenagers
Are going to fight us
That they want us to fight them back
That they need this fight
To become stronger people
In the world
That the fight
Is helping them to prepare
For tomorrow

I don’t agree
That our teens
Need to hate us
That we should be
Preparing ourselves
As we will have moments
Where we hate them too

I don’t agree
That their feelings
Are going to be big, bad and ugly
That they need to speak
In a manner that is
Disrespectful
Nasty
Mean

That they will be
So problematic
That as parents
We need to brace ourselves
For the storm
And continue to spread
These stories
These misnomers
These labels
Of who our kids
Are not

I don’t agree
That these years have to be
Hard work
Dreadful
Unkind
That they need to
Push away
Think less of us
Pave their own way
In a way
That is difficult
Or destructive

I don’t agree
That their actions
Are hormonal
Are growing pains
Are normal teenage
Ways of being
That we should expect it all
That we should make excuses
That this is part of
Their life

What I do agree with is

These years are about
Paying attention
Being present
Staying curious
Showing that you are interested
Listening even better
Learning when not to speak
Letting words be spoken
Asking the question that arises
Within you
In the same manner
You would ask a friend
Not in a way
Where you are jumping
To a conclusion
Based upon
All that you have been told
This is about

What I do agree with is
Our children
Feel our feelings
They know
When we are stressed
They know when we are lying
Or hiding the truth
About our day
About our life
About our worries

And when we do not
Tell them the truth
In a way that respects
Their age
Their capacity
To understand
They learn
To not
Trust us
Anymore

And when we do not
Speak with respect
Ourselves
When we hold them
To a label
To a story
Of who they are
Suppose to be
They learn
To not
Trust us
Anymore

And when we do not
Hold them
To a higher regard
For the true breadth
The true brilliance
They were born with
When we do not
Notice their angst
Or their confusion
About where they might
Or might not belong
Why a friend no longer
Speaks with them
When someone is unkind
For no reason
When they are wrongly
Compared to another

When we do not notice
The pain they may feel
About where they should be
How they should get there
When they feel like they should
Know more then they do
That they are lagging behind
Not measuring up
Not knowing how to respond
To a difficult
New situation

When we do not notice
When we do not inquire
When we find ourselves too busy
To exhausted
At the end of the day
To notice from a place of concern
From a place of genuine connection
Not a place of judgment

Or a need to blame
Their teachers
Their friends
Their electronics
For it all
They learn
To not
Trust us
Anymore

And when the trust
Is gone
Or doubted
The connection
Gets worn, tattered, torn
They move away
Toward the unknown
They begin to spin out
As they search for the foundation
That once was you

They begin to fear
Life, circumstances, change
They begin to feel
Anxiety
Depression
Loneliness
They begin to turn toward
Alcohol
Drugs
Sex
Which begin to take your place
As they become a safer haven
As they become
The connection
The identity
The relationship
They are looking for

I just don’t agree
With it all

But what I do agree with
What I I know to be true is

When we show them
That we see them
We hear them
We accept where they are in this moment
When we speak to them
With respect
When we demand for the same in return
When we place a high regard
On our connection
They trust us
They listen
They respond
They learn to find their
Independence
Through our interdependence

They trust us enough to
Question
Disagree
Debate
Hold their own
Investigate
Challenge
Stand firm
Grow confident
For they no longer
Fear
Your judgment
Criticism
Or need to hold them
To who they were yesterday
Or who they are not today
Based upon another
Parents story

Throw away
The expectation
Embrace
The change that they
Are becoming
Meet them
Here and now
Dare to listen
To a different way of speaking
Invite the disagreement
Sit with what else might be possible

Decide to disagree
With the story
With the label
With the expectation
Of someone they are not

Decide instead
To agree with where
They are today
Meet them there
And enjoy this ride