She fell in love
Finally
After so many years
As a single mom
She feel in love
Again
She came home
Shared the news
Her teenage daughters
Were furious
We will not move
For you
For him
For anyone
We will not move
And so they remained
She let it go
Her dreams
Her aspirations
Her love
For them
They witnessed
A mother
In that particular instance
Putting her children’s
Reluctance
Fears
Tenacity
In front of her
Own heart
They learned
Over time
To never do the same
For the pain of watching their mother
Wither away
Lonely
Sad
Rejected
Was too much to bare
They decided
Over time
They would do the opposite
When and if the time came
And so they did
Their children were
Placed second
Feeling the pain of a deliberate
Action
Void of the whole picture
Void of the dance
Daughters and then granddaughters
Were born
Life went on
Naturally unfolding
They struggled
How to be a mom
Wife
Woman
What comes first
Who comes first
The struggles
Questions
Doubts
Weren’t looked upon
As a reflection of their past
Weren’t noticed as something
From a separate relationship
From an earlier time
There was no connection between the two
Or so it seemed
It was just always a constant
Struggle
To know
How to show up
How to be
How to mother
The children
Felt the internal strife
It showed up in so many ways
In so many hurts
In so many pains
In unspoken confusion
Witnessing a mother
Making choices
Dependent upon the question
Who comes first
How should I be
Who can I be
All unaware
Of the original story
The pain
That drives and directs them
Affecting each generation differently
Keeping in place the confusion
The doubt
The legacy of not knowing
Until…
She spoke up
Declared her quandary
Of not knowing
Who am I
Who comes first
How does this work
She threw away the fear of judgment
Criticism
Rejection
She opened up her story
From the past
Generations ago
That lead to this moment
Recognizing
This wasn’t her story
It’s old
It doesn’t work any longer
And she needed help to
Change it
She gathered other woman
Asked them to share
Listened to their narratives
Took notes and learned
Humility began to surface
As she let go of what wasn’t working
Trying on what had worked for another
She listened
With anticipation
Excitement to try something new
Found strength in her flexible
Courage in her mistakes
As she tried on
New ways of being
Her
Where she was able to
Freely step into the dance
Of motherhood
By embracing it all
By putting herself first
At times
By putting them first
At times
She embraced the dance
And declared once more
I am a woman in love
With me
With them
This moment
And the freedom of letting go
I will let this love guide and direct me
I will listen to your words
Allow them to encircle my heart
I will decide in each moment what feels right
And if I need to
I will change my mind
My direction
My course
With a simple apology for any confusion
And a confidence in the dance
Finally guiding the way
